SCOTLAND TRIP: September 3rd, 2003

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2003

When last we left our intrepid hero (i.e. me), he was staying in the stunning Inverlochy Castle and forced to wear a coat and tie to dinner. Life is hard. He's about to begin his first full day in Scotland. This is his story:

I woke up to geese honking. Dozed a bit longer.

6:30am
Wake up call came in. I went to take a shower and like my father before me found that the darn thing was too complicated. Couldn't for the life of me strike a balance between frigid and scalding water.

8am
Room service brought me the breakfast I had ordered the night before. Scrambled eggs on toast. That English Bacon which really is more like ham and way undercooked for my tastes, despite the fact that I had asked for it "crisp". Wheat toast, a chocolate-chip croissant and a regular croissant. Corn flakes.

We hit the road... w/ a couple of problems.

1. While walking to the car, the sole of one of my great old hiking boots split away from the boot itself. I'm now clomping along, with every step. This is actually very upsetting to me. I've had these boots for twenty-five years and they fit like a glove. I've had them resouled once before. But the opportunity to have them fixed doesn't look like it's going to present itself here.

2. As we're driving away in the Bug, its car alarm goes off. Now, let's just consider the wisdom of putting a car alarm in a rental. Now let's consider the wisdom of not having any kind of owner's manual in a rental with a car alarm that seems to go off for no reason whatsoever. This becomes a daily problem for us. Usually in the mornings, but frankly anytime we turn off the engine, we run the risk of the car alarm going off again when we restart the car. And not just once, but usually two or three times. It takes us multiple trial and errors just to figure out how to turn the damn thing off. But we can never quite figure out why sometimes it goes off and sometimes it doesn't.

Our first stop is Neptune's Staircase. A series of locks on the Caledonian Canal. We watch a large boat traverse a couple of the locks. It's really kind of impressive. Cool, slow and impressive.

We leave Torlundy and drive back through Fort William on the A82, unaware that we're also driving through our best chance to fix or replace my boots. We head back along Loch Linnhe and catch a small ferry at Corran across the Loch.

From there it's the A861 past Strontian (the town that gave its name to the element Strontium). The roads now begin to take on a single lane character. That means that when a car's coming in the other direction, one of you needs to pull over. There are plenty of passing places, however, so it's never really a problem for us. But I do think that had we been travelliing in July or August, when there were more tourists about, it might have been a different story.

At Salen, we detour down the B8007 into the Ardnamurchan Penninsula. Our hope is to take this to the Point of Ardnamurchan, the westernmost point of mainland Scotland so that we can see the Egyptian lighthouse there. But we have a time constraint. We need to catch a 2:40pm ferry at Mallaig, and we want to get to Mallaig a bit early, so that we can see about repairing or replacing my boots. So we stop at Ardslignish, look around and take some pictures of the Inner Hebrides in the distance where the Loch turns into the Ocean. Then we turn around without making it to the lighthouse.

From Salen, we head north to Mallaig. We stop at a Tourist Info Center to get boot advise. They send us to the only store they can think of that might have boots. At this store, they literally only have one pair of boots, which are a size too small for me. We ask where else we might go, and the guy suggests Fort William. That's the exact wrong direction for us at this point, so I'm still clomping around. D'oh!

We grab some lunch. I have an amazing plate of Grilled Split jumbo prawns with Goat Cheese. And a coke. One of the best meals of the trip.

Then we board the Ferry to the Isle of Skye. While we're up on the deck, we hear a car alarm go off, and afraid that it's our car, we go to investigate. It's not our car, but it's a good thing we checked. My dad left the parking break off. Woops.

The Ferry ride to Skye takes about a half hour, and the view crossing the Sound is wonderful. (I'm gonna start to sound very redundant about the views. But it truly was gorgeous about 99.9% of the time.)

The ferry lands at Armadale. We try another store for boots there. It's another no go, but the lady recommends a store called Walker & Welles in Broadford, which is at least in a direction we're heading.

We head south a half-mile to stop in at Ardvasar, which is the traditional home of the Macintyre clan, the clan of my good friend Tuppence Macintyre. We stop by the hotel that I believe the Macintyre's used to run (for centuries). Then we head north again on the A851.

Tuppence had recommended another detour, an inland loop toward the northwest coast of the Sleat Penninsula in order to see Dunsgaith Castle. So we headed toward Tarskavaig. Took a right turn there and headed toward Tokavaig. The castle was supposed to be between Tokavaig and Ord. But we hit Ord without spotting either the castle or even a sign for the castle. We thought about turning around, but we had no real hope that we'd find it the second time, so we just kept going and reconnected back up to the 851.

I know it sounds like the day was full of abortive failures. No lighthouse. No castle. No boots. But we didn't really feel that way. We saw so much beautiful scenery. And we just were enjoying the trip.

By this time, we had finished Tup's mix tape. So I popped in the beginning of the KCRW unabridged production of Ross Macdonald's "Zebra-Striped Hearse". This is a Lew Archer novel, directed and starring Harris Yulin, who was great. It also featured Ed Asner as Colonel Blackwell. Plus Jennifer Tilly, Tyne Daly, Kathryn Lloyd, Jodi Thelen, Joey Pants, etc. I had read the book some time ago, and although I remembered the gist of it, it was great to hear. And my dad really enjoyed it too. It's a six cassette tape production, so it would last us nearly the entire trip.

At Broadford we found Walker & Welles. As promised, they had plenty of boots. I found a pair that fit very nicely right off the bat. (And they had many other options.) So I got 'em. Then I... I... I toss my great old boots in a dumpster that stinks of fish. They truly deserved better. I still feel guilty about it. I hope someone found them and salvaged them before they got too smelly.

Back on the road (the A87 now) we drove through Sligachan and headed north to Portree. Now this trip was almost entirely planned by my father's assistant Anita Kelty Nitta (with a few recommendations from Tuppence and Carol Wagner). Anita provided us with directions, and a map that highlit our route and had stickers for all the hotels. But the sticker for our next hotel was in the wrong place. Horrors! We'd have to figure this out for ourselves for once. Fortunately, finding the hotel wasn't a problem. We took the A850 past Skeabost, Flashader, Edinbane and Blackhill and found the Greshornish House Hotel off Loch Greshornish. Dad was given "The Clydesdale Room". I got "The Palomino Room". It's not quite Castle Inverlochy, but it is a big room with a lovely view of the Loch. The people are very nice, as is the short bread cookie.

After checking in, Dad & I went for a short walk. The Midges make their first appearance, but a wind is blowing and they don't bother us much.

We went back to our rooms briefly. I talked to Beth and left a message for the kids.

7:30pm
We head down to the lounge, but cigarette smokers drive us back upstairs until Campbell, the son of the owner, begins playing his bagpipes to summon us to dinner. It's fun. He's standing out by the old cannon in full regalia, playing. Campbell's a very nice, self-deprecating guy.

Dinner is Mussels, Venison, Potatos, Broccoli, Rolls, Chocolate Mousse.

After dinner, we meet some of our fellow guests (the non-smokers) in the Lounge. An older couple from Lincolnshire and a family from Guernsey.

I stayed up that night until 11:45pm watching "Sex and the City". Then went to sleep.

TUNE IN TOMORROW for more adventure. *Here's a preview: "The Old Man of Storr" "Duntulm Castle" "Two reasons why America is ascendant" "The Fairy Flag" "Posh"*

SCOTLAND TRIP: September 2nd, 2003

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2003

When last we left our intrepid hero (i.e. me), he was suffering through an airline trip from LAX to Heathrow Airport in Business Class. He had just changed his watch to match London Time. This is his story:

2am
I read the L.A. Times over a glass of Tomato Juice.

Dinner was soon served. Sourdough rolls & butter, Prociutto & Salmon appetizer (though I didn't eat the Salmon). Prociutto & Shrimp maincourse. There was also a Salad, but the dressing was Ginger, which I'm allergic to, so I skipped that too. Skipped the Rice and Broccoli also. Ate the tomatos. Dessert was Apple Pie with a glass of milk.

Sitting next to me, was a woman flying with her husband. Her daughter and grandson were also on the flight in the first row of coach. They were all on their way to explore London, Oxford, etc. The woman and her husband were both retired professors from UCSD. (He was physics; she was bio-physics.) They were all quite nice. For awhile, Alex, the grandson switched seats with her. He was pretty cool. And I'm not just saying that because both he and his mom were fans (or at least appreciators) of Gargoyles. Though, heck that didn't hurt. Seemed like another good omen. Alex was a bigtime STAR WARS fan, who was writing his own comic book.

Watched three movies on the flight.

IDENTITY - I had seen commercials for this and had predicted the big twist from the commercials. This movie had a great cast led by one of my favorite actors, John Cusack. Rebecca DeMornay was in it too. At first I asked myself if that was her, then I decided it wasn't. Then I found out it was. Weird.

THE ITALIAN JOB - I'd heard good things about this, and I guess it was okay, but I wasn't particularly impressed. Still, the Mini-Coopers were fun. And since the plan for our trip was for my dad and I to rent a Mini-Cooper in Edinburgh and tool around Scotland in it, it seemed to be another good omen that this was on. Best laid plans, as you'll soon see...

ROUTE 60 - A quirky little film that alternated between being annoying and fun. Still, I love allegory and you don't see much of it these days. So I'll thumbs up it.

I tried to sleep a few times, but basically couldn't.

I started reading "SANCTUARY" by William Faulkner. A brutal little pot-boiler that he wrote for the money, then initially couldn't get published because it was too, well, everything. Of course, being Faulkner, even his pot-boilers are high literature. A tough read.

Drank a lot of water.

Eventually, they served breakfast: Grapes, three types of melon (honeydew, cantalope, water), kiwi, croissants w/butter, Peach yoplait, Orange Juice.

We landed at Heathrow in London and had a considerable trip (both by bus and on foot) to change terminals for our connecting flight to Edinburgh.

While waiting, I had an Apple Juice that had the unique taste of the apple juice in the U.K. It's different than in the U.S. It reminded me immediately and viscerally of my semester in Oxford.

Boarded our flight to Scotland. Business class again, bulkhead seat. Don't like the bulkhead, but at least it was Biz.

Fortunately, I was able to sleep. Slept through most of the flight, which was only an hour. So I was still pretty tired.

We arrived in Edinburgh and went to the rental car desk to pick up our Mini-Cooper, which my father had special ordered in advance. It wasn't there. In fact, they had no car for us. Major screw up. My dad was furious, and I just felt bad for him.

But the good news was they had a Grey Volkswagon Beetle available for us. And since it wasn't a special order it cost CONSIDERABLY less. It wound up being a terrific car for us (with a few minor exceptions I'll get to later). So all was for the best. And when I told my kids about it, they got very excited. "Grey punch-buggy, no punch backs," they yelled!

We started our drive. My dad behind the wheel. Me navigating.

We passed through Stirling, the only other Scottish town (besides Edinburgh) that I had ever been to before. But we didn't stop. It was already late afternoon, and we had a ways to drive before we got to our hotel.

We entered the Trossachs area (home to Rob Roy), passing numerous Lochs.

We passed through Glen Coe. My dad is from Glenco, Illinois, and we tried to imagine how Scottish trappers might have seen Lake Michigan and felt like it was home.

We crossed Loch Leven and then drove up the coast of Loch Linnhe, passing through Fort William. The scenery was just gorgeous. And that's exactly why we came. This wasn't going to be a museum trip. With very few exceptions, we weren't here to see anything man-made. My dad's plan for the trip was to see Scotland's natural beauty. Since he was footing the bill, I wasn't complaining. But in truth, I wasn't complaining, cuz it was just terrific. Driving past Linnhe, God parted the clouds and put a spotlight of late afternoon sun on the water. I watched it intensely, half-expecting to see a Selkie or something emerge. No luck. But it was still very gorgeous.

My good friend (and Gargoyles researcher) Tuppence Macintyre had provided us with some travel tips and a mix-tape of Scottish music (modern and otherwise) and even a Robin Williams comedy routine. We played the tape on the way to our hotel. It was great. Only one problem. I couldn't figure out how to get the thing to eject. It literally took me two days to manage it. The stereo was very strange. Every once in a while, for no apparent reason, it would switch off the tape and start playing the radio instead. Other times, when we had it switched off, it would just turn itself on. We'd turn it off again, and it would turn on again. I have no explanation, beyond gremlins. The air-conditioner also sucked. The worst was... well, I'll hold off on that... but those three things were the only problems with the bug. Otherwise, we liked it. In fact, my dad liked it so much, he's considering getting one.

We passed many, many animals. You don't see a lot of sheep alongside the 405 or the 101, so it was kinda novel to us. The sheep in Scotland are nearly ubiquitous. We also saw cows and other "robust cattle", which look almost like Oxen or Yaks or something. We saw rams, swans, horses, geese, etc. No shetland ponies though.

As we got closer to our hotel, my dad, who's only been to Scotland once before, began to say how it was starting to look familiar. Then when we arrived at our hotel, he realized that he had been here before to this hotel. (Don't ask me how he didn't realize it before that moment. It's not surprising if you know him, but it's still goofy.) We were staying at Inverlochy Castle. An actual castle that had been remodeled into a hotel years before. It was, to say the least, an extremely classy joint. (One of the advantages of traveling with my dad is that he tends to go first class all the way.) Dad remembered it as the place where he had a fight with his shower. Being unable to work it, he had started yelling at it. (Now you guys can see where I inherited my limited technical abilities. My dad doesn't even have e-mail.)

My room was amazing. HUGE. With a bathroom bigger than most of the hotel rooms I've ever stayed in. I changed for dinner, as this place required a coat and tie in the dining room. I also left a quick voice mail for Beth to let her know we had arrived.

For Dinner I had sparkling water, mustard seed rolls w/butter, a Lobster cocktail, terrific Potato/Leek soup and Sea Breem with Mussels, shrimp and spinach. Now, the only non-shellfish I really like is trout. But I also don't like lamb which was the other option, so I tried the Sea Breem. Nope. But the mussels, shrimp and spinach were great. Dessert was an Apple tart served with apple puree and fresh pressed apple jus.

Back in the room, I called the kids and talked to them and my Mom, who was baby-sitting. I also called Beth again and talked to her. There was a toffee on my pillow. So, what the heck, I ate that too.

Finally, I went to bed...

TUNE IN TOMORROW for more adventure. *Here's a preview: "English Bacon..." "Neptune's Staircase..." "They deserved better..." "The Zebra-Striped Hearse..." "Campbell on bagpipes..."

SCOTLAND TRIP: September 1st, 2003

Hey gang,

I'm back from Scotland. As some of you might know, my father (who without exageration has nearly a half-million frequent flyer miles from years and years of business travel) was going to Germany on business and decided to take advantage of the free trip to spend a week in Scotland. I offered to go with him (cuz I'm SO generous), and as my 40th birthday is coming up, he agreed to use some of his miles to take me along.

Thought you might like to hear about my trip. So I'll put together a little Scotland journal. Cover a day per day, that sort of thing. Mostly, I'll talk about what I ate.

And if you're not interested. Well. Then don't read it.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2003
Wasn't going to work, so I got up late (10am). Very slowly showered and shaved. Wasn't even bringing a razor on the trip, so this would be my last shave until today. (For those who haven't seen me since the con, I've shaved off the beard.)

The only problem was that I shaved with a "dead" razor and really cut up my face.

12pm - Walked into Larchmont Village to get a haircut. As an experiment -- and since I wouldn't be seeing anyone but my dad for a week, I got a complete buzzcut. #1 Plastic clippered the whole thing. I think I looked damaged. But Beth and the barber liked it. Though my kids did not. It's still VERY short and takes some definite getting used to.

I went home and packed my duffle bag. And the zipper ripped. Not a good omen. So I repacked in Beth's duffle. Packed my briefcase. Checked the internet briefly.

3pm - The car arrived. I said goodbye to my wife and kids and left.

3:30pm - Arrived at the airport. Checked in. Grabbed some food at McDonalds. Quarter-pounder with cheese, fries, Coke, bake apple pie. Started eating at the gate.

My dad met me there. He saw my haircut and liked it. I was able to upgrade to Business Class at the gate, which was a GOOD omen. Then he and I sat and talked.

5:30pm - We boarded. He was in First Class (payed by the German company he works for). I was in the last row of Biz. The seats are almost too high tech to figure out, but man biz-class rules. Had a glass of water and we took off.

Immediately, I reset my watch to Scottish time. Which means that's it for Monday.

Read about Tuesday tomorrow... (Here's a preview: "sourdough..." "Route 60..." "No punch backs..." "Inverlochy Castle...")

SCOTLAND BOUND

Hey gang,

Just a quick note to let you know I won't be answering questions here next week. I'm off to Scotland with my dad. We're renting a car and driving along the west coast and the Isle of Skye.

I'll keep an eye out for Wyvern Hill.

And I'll be back in the office, answering questions on September 8th.

Take care,

Addendum...

Sorrowful Jones! How could I forget to mention Sorrowful Jones?!

Those are probably my two favorite Bob Hope movies, "The Lemon-Drop Kid" and "Sorrowful Jones". Of course, as some of you know, I'm a sucker for a Damon Runyon story in general. Many members of my family were Damon Runyon characters.

Also, today my brother was kind enough to plug ASK GREG, so it's more than high-time that I return the favor.

If you like Baseball -- and especially if you like the Dodgers -- you might want to check out his website, where he writes a daily column about dealing with the emotional trauma, the highs and lows of being a baseball fan. I never miss a day.

Check out:

http://jonthoughts.blogspot.com/

(I wish I knew how to make the above an actual link. But you guys all know how to cut and paste.)

BRUSH WITH GREATNESS

When I was a kid, my grandparents lived in Palm Springs. My brother and sister and I had been staying with them (without our parents), but it was time to head home to L.A.

We were flying. A short flight, a small plane. We got to preboard, because we were unaccompanied minors. One other guy got to pre-board. Bob Hope. Cuz, well... cuz he was Bob Hope.

My grandmother, Sue Weisman -- who is now a healthy 93 years old -- approached Mr. Hope and without hesitation asked him to watch over her three grandchildren during the flight. Keep in mind this was about three decades ago. Bob Hope was a HUGE star. I have no idea what he thought of the request, but he was very gracious and agreed.

The plane had two seats on either side of the aisle. So my younger siblings, Robyn and Jon, sat next to each other in the front row to the right of the aisle. I have no memory of who got the window seat and who got the aisle seat between them. But I know where I sat. I sat in the front row aisle seat across from them. (I was the oldest, so I was the one sitting alone.) Sitting next to me was Bob Hope. Now, this was a night time flight. And not crowded. I remember very clearly that I was kinda annoyed by the seating arrangements. I had flown before, but I had never flown at night and I was young enough to think I'd have a better look at the stars and the moon. So I had really, really wanted a window seat. I also can't imagine that Bob Hope's first choice would have been to sit next to a bunch of kids.

But we both made the best of it. I told him that I had actually seen him on tv twice the previous day. (Again, remember, he was a huge star then, so this was not unusual.) His golf tournament was during the day, and he had been on a Dean Martin Roast the previous night. He explained to me that the Roast had been recorded weeks before.

That's about all I remember. And I'm sure in the next few days you'll see and read a bunch of much more efficacious and worthwhile tributes to the man. There are a couple movies of his, "The Lemon-Drop Kid" in particular, that I truly cherish. And his work with the USO is unparalleled.

But I just thought I'd add this: He was a man that my grandmother could trust with her grandkids. And I think that's saying something.

Rest in peace, Bob.

G2003 Journal (7/2 - 7/6)

WEDNESDAY, JULY 2, 2003:

I got up to pack. My poor little duffle was really busting at the seams given how many books, t-shirts and videotapes I had picked up. But it held.

We had time to go into town for one last round of Tacos and Ice Cream.

Then we took our Cape Air flight to Boston.

Had a layover, so, well, of course, I ate again. Airport Whopper and an Orange. An actual orange.

Got on a flight to Los Angeles. The movie was "Chicago". We had been debating as to whether or not to take the kids to see this film, so we just let them watch. I liked it. So did they.

When it was over I started reading William Faulkner's "As I Lay Dying". Great book.

We arrived home very late. Put the kids to bed. Then I started to read/skim about two weeks worth of newspapers.

Finally went to bed.

THURSDAY, JULY 3, 2003:

Went to my local bookstore and retreived our pre-ordered copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. We still hadn't finished rereading Goblet of Fire to the kids, so we wouldn't end up starting Phoenix for a bit. We've since started it. We just got through the Hearing. Good stuff. But man, this series has grown up some, huh?

We had vague plans to meet some old friends at Disneyland, but we were just to beat to face the traffic down to Anaheim. So I didn't see my friend Iris. Didn't see Bruce Cranston in New York. Or Paul Lacy. Or Dan Raspler. Or my NY cousins. But I didn't feel ripped off. I saw Lianne and Doug and I've made so many friends among the fandom, that my time was full.

FRIDAY, JULY 4, 2003:

Independence Day. We had two parties to go to. First the Ehrlich's, then the Resnicks. Ate a ton. I mean, a ton. Steak, multiple pies. And a lot more too. Saw some fireworks. Finished reading Faulkner.

SATURDAY, JULY 5, 2003:

I've now grown a bit obssessed with LXG. So I went out and bought a trade paperback, "Heroes & Monsters" at Golden Apple Comics (a place I used to go into weekly, but which I haven't entered in years) that annotated Alan Moore's series. Still haven't seen the movie.

Benny bought some English translation of some Anime cartoon. CardCaptors, I think. Erin bought an Archie digest. She's now addicted to Archie digests.

That night we had guests over for dinner. One Thom Adcox. Plus the wife and daughter of Josh Silver, Keith David's manager. This was a get together we had planned weeks ago, but Josh couldn't make it because he "had" to fly to London to spend time with Keith, who's there shooting Cody Banks 2.

It was a very nice evening. And great to see Thom again. I have got to see him more often. We walked into Larchmont Village for Baskin Robbins. I had a chocolate chip milkshake with bannannanna.

SUNDAY, JULY 6, 2003

Erin and Benny had a play date at our house with the two Sperling kids. I hadn't seen Carol yet, so I didn't have the card for them that you guys all made.

Their mom rejoined us and we all went to Sinbad. Which was truly mediocre, I thought.

One week later, I took the card and the Radio Play script over to them. They were VERY appreciative. Gary's son immediately sat down to read the script. And they liked all the pictures on the card. So you all did a nice thing. Thank you.

And, well, that's my summer vacation...

G2003 Journal (7/1)

TUESDAY, JULY 1, 2003:

Woke up and like an addict went back to Krispy Kreme in Penn Station for three (or, okay, maybe four more donuts).

At 9am I met Carol, Greg Bishansky and Aaron out in front of the hotel for what would turn out to be "Mr. Bishansky's Wild Ride".

Greg had originally wanted to leave at 9:30. But I had an 11:35 flight out of LaGuardia to catch, and not wanting to take any chances, I insisted on 9:00 sharp.

Said goodbye to Carol and Aaron and wound up leaving about 9:10ish.

Greg had directions. He also had a car that was making a real odd noise, but he assured me it was driving fine. When it started stalling periodically, I got a bit nervous, but he was always able to start it right up again, so I hid my concerns.

We talked. Mostly, as I recall about League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It was nice and I wasn't paying very close attention to where we were going. Until I happened to look up and notice we were at 8th and 24th. I couldn't figure out why he had taken us this far west and south. He apologized. Said the directions were confusing, but now he was on the right track. However when we passed the hotel again at 9:45, I figured I better start navigating.

To be fair, there were a number of street closures that kept screwing us up. And then came the accident, which was absolutely NOT Greg's fault. We were waiting at a red light, when a commercial van sideswiped Greg's car, clipping off his driver's side mirror. We pulled over. The van driver got out, but instead of coming to see us, he ran over to a bus and started yelling at the driver. It was kinda like cosplay. He clearly wanted us to think that somehow the accident was the bus driver's fault. But we were at a dead stop when he hit us, so even if he was cut off, there's no way that hitting us wasn't HIS fault. Period.

Anyway, while he yelled at the bus, which ignored him and drove off, I wrote down his license plate and the truck owner info for Greg. The guy then came over and threw a twenty at Greg, saying "Here's twenty to fix your mirror and besides this was NOT my fault."

Now, I was faced with a moral dilemma, that one could argue I failed at. Neither Greg nor I thought that $20 would fix his mirror. I should have advised him to get out of the car and exchange Drivers license and insurance info with the van driver. And absolutely NOT to accept the $20 as a payment. But Greg seemed willing to move on, and I was seriously concerned about how late it was getting. So I let Greg drive on. My bad.

Also my bad for using the expression my bad. Uggghhh.

I directed Greg to the Midtown Tunnel, asking if he knew how to get to the airport from there. He said yes. This would prove to be something of a little white lie.

We pull up to the toll booth just beyond the tunnel. Greg digs for the $4 to pay the toll and I yell, "STOP!" Too late. He rear ends the car in front of him. Okay, now this one was TOTALLY Greg's fault. I'd be more upset, but even then, I'm thinking, "Two accidents en route to the airport. This is so out there. It'll make a great story for ASK GREG."

Anyway, the victim pulls over while we pay our toll. I'm focused on him, and am only peripherally aware of Greg getting directions to LaGuardia from the Toll Booth Guy. In the back of my mind it occurs to me that Greg may not quite know what he's doing.

Fortunately, there was no damage to the victim's car. He drove off. We drove off. We then missed our exit (17) to change freeways for LaGuardia. The next exit was closed. The remaining glass in Greg's broken mirror was flapping around in the wind, so I finally asked him to just pull it off before it took out one of our jugulars.

We got off at exit 19 and turned around to head back. No U turn of course. So I made my second morally challenged call of the day and basically ordered Greg to make an illegal U. He did. We got back on the freeway.

As we approached exit 18 (Morris Street, I think), Greg was sure he knew how to get to LaGuardia from there. I asked him twice, as our exit was supposed to be 17. But he was sure. He got off. And almost immediately said, "I don't recognize anything." I said, "Greg, you're killing me here." But I think I was still half joking at that point.

We turned around and got back on the freeway to head for 17. Major traffic jam now. Greg says, "Lucky, you're flight doesn't leave until noon." I kinda blow a small gasket and remind him at leaves at 11:35. As it was now 10:35, I felt that we should be there already, given security lines and all.

We finally reach 17. He heads west. And again, immediately says he doesn't recognize anything. Without asking, he gets off the freeway again. This time when I say, "Greg, you're killing me here!" I'm really not joking at all. I'm pretty pissed off. (Of course, this time it turns out he was right. We were heading the exact wrong direction. So it was a very good thing that he got off.)

Greg was looking for someone to give us directions. The first guy he asked spoke no English, but the second guy actually gave us GREAT directions. Thank you, stranger.

We got back on the freeway, heading East. But by the time he dropped me off at the airport departure level it was 11:10. Let me just say that two hours to get to LaGuardia from Penn Station is not really making good time, especially considering we only hit two little bursts of traffic.

Anyway, he went to park in case, as now seemed likely, I missed my flight. I went inside. There was a huge line at U.S.Airways, so I approached one of those e-ticket check in machines, but it said you needed a frequent flyer card for that. So then I approached the guy manning the EMPTY first class line. I asked if he would help me, explaining that though I was not a first class passenger, my flight was leaving in twenty minutes and I didn't think I'd make it through the coach line in time.

His response: "Well, you got to wait in the line."

I have to admit, I was a little stunned that he wouldn't help me. I must have given him a look, cuz he said, or you can use the machines. I explained that I didn't have a FF card. He said any credit card would do.

I returned to the machine. I rechecked and it in fact said that I had to have a FF card. But I tried my credit card and it worked fine. Took a minute tops. So the whole thing about needing an FF card is just a trick basically to encourage people to get and/or use their FF cards. Stupid.

Luckily there was no line to speak of at security, and they didn't strip search me or anything, so soon I was running for my gate. It was 11:25 at this point. So it could really go either way. I arrived at the gate -- which was literally the last one in the terminal of course, only to discover that the flight was delayed forty minutes.

Here, I'm torn between happy and upset. After all, I was there against all odds. But mostly I'm just happy I didn't miss it. So I settle down. I call Greg and tell him to go home. All is well, no harm done. I call my father-in-law to let him know that my flight to Nantucket is delayed.

I know I ate again. Can't remember what though.

Got on the plane and arrived in Nantucket.

No one was waiting for me, but their house is so close, I figured they must be on their way and there was no point in calling. So a half hour later, I called, by which time they were -- just -- on their way to get me.

Still, I was there. Went back to the house, then went with my mother-in-law to spend some time with my kids on the beach. I was supposed to watch them and make sure they didn't drown. But I could tell I was drowsy, so I relinquished my responsibility to my mother-in-law and took a little nap.

For dinner that night my in-laws cooked up live New England Lobsters. So good. Then we went into town for some ice cream with the kids. I had a hot fudge sundae with chocolate chip ice cream.

We came back to the house. And pretty much all just went to bed. That was the first night on the entire trip that I went to bed before 1am.

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES... OR AT LEAST THE VACATION DOES... TOMORROW!

G2003 Journal (6/30)

MONDAY, JUNE 30, 2003:

Today, in the middle of my two week vacation was a work day -- or at least half of one.

I got up and headed back to Krispy Kreme for more donuts. Then I walked to midtown for my first meeting.

Then I had a meeting at MTV. Just what we call a Meet & Greet. Hi. Nice to meet you. Hope we get to work together some day. It was nice, and they're doing some interesting stuff. So I do hope I get to work with them someday. I talked to her (I'm not giving names on purpose) about the project that Vic and Greg and I have, but I didn't pitch it, as we're waiting to see if Warners wants to sign on and pitch it to MTV with us.

Then I had time to kill. I had passed Midtown Comics on my way to MTV, so I headed back there. I don't frequent comic book stores, much these days. Wound up quitting that world more or less cold turkey in 1996. But the commercials for "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" movie had intrigued me. When the "FROM HELL" movie came out, I didn't go see it, but I went into a bookstore and bought Alan Moore's graphic novel, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I had been haunting bookstores for League, thinking that the movie would bring the GN into similar wide release. Hadn't been able to find it, so I finally broke down and entered a comic book store. Midtown Comics is a great looking store. I found LXG immediately, and then looked around. It's the same old thing for me. I'm out of the world and too far behind. If I started buying anything (on impulse that is) I'd have to buy EVERYTHING. So I stuck to my original purchase.

Then it was up to William Morris for my meeting with DAG Entertainment. Me and the DAG guys really hit it off. We spent a good chunk of time talking about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, how much we liked the series and how disappointed we were in the final episode. (My main gripe: too much to fit into one hour; it should have been a two-parter.) They talked about a project they had that they were interested in me working on. It sounded cool, and now that I'm back (two weeks later) it looks like I actually got a job thanks to the Gathering.

We talked so long, I realized I was going to be late for my next meeting. I called ahead and then took off rather abruptly.

Soon enough I arrived at Noodlesoup Productions to meet with the guys there. It was another really fun Meet & Greet. I hope to do some work someday with these guys too.

After that it was back to the hotel. I was supposed to meet up with my old friend Bruce Cranston, a former Disney boss of mine who now lives on the East. But his daughter was sick, so he had to cancel.

I decided to head for McDonalds. I ran into Mandi in the lobby, and she kept me company at McD's. It didn't seem to air-conditioned, so we took the food back to my room. I ate and then felt VERY sleepy. I didn't want to find myself sleeping through the play that night, so I kicked Mandi out to take a nap.

Only, I didn't fall asleep. Oh, well.

We now segue right into dinner. Dreamie, Carol, Patrick, Karlyle, Liz, Kelly and Montreal Rob all headed to P.J.Clark's, which was one of my haunts back when I lived in NYC. It was a place I always went to with my dad for burgers, whenever he came to town. And the last time I was there was probably in 1996, when I dragged Keith David and a few other folks there after a Gargoyles event (sort of a pre-Gathering) at a Gallery in Queens. Had a great burger.

But then Carol and Patrick and I had to hustle to attend Shakespeare in the Park. We raced uptown via subway, and then took a cab across the Park. We got out and ran to the Delacourt Theater. Fortunately, Carol had already picked up our tickets (a gift from Keith David and his manager Josh Silver).

The show was really terrific. Liev Shrieber was great as a conflicted Henry V. The rest of the cast, especially the Chorus, was also great. And I loved the production -- with the small exception of a gratuitous direct reference to Bush & Hussein. It was so unnecessary.

After the show, the three of us hung out. We walked around, past another one of my old apartment buildings, this one on Amsterdam near 76th. The neighborhood has changed so dramatically since I lived there my first summer in New York. Then I realized that it has been TWENTY YEARS, so I suppose it's entitled to change in that much time. But suddenly I felt old.

Back at the hotel, the three of us watched, uh, THE BLUES BROTHERS Movie or something on tv, while we killed off the last of the bottled water Carol had given me on Thursday and the last of the Peanut M&Ms that Kathy had given my on Sunday.

Then I kicked 'em out. I read some of LXG. Again it fit the theme of the rest of my reading this week. Mixing new fiction with old fiction, legends and history. Alan Moore, a writer I've long admired, seems interested in the same sorts of things I am. ALL THINGS ARE TRUE. Creating a grand tapestry of characters that can interact. But I was stunned at the breadth of his knowledge. For example, I was surprised to see that he had portrayed Captain Nemo as an Indian. I had read 20K Leagues and had not gotten that impression. Turns out, that in Mysterious Island, Verne establishes Nemo's ethnicity. And that's just the most obvious example. The research represented in this work is nothing short of MASSIVE. All I can say is... thank god I've got Kathy Pogge to do my research for me. I'm way too slow a reader to cover that much ground.

Anyway, I quite enjoyed the book. I haven't seen the movie yet, and some of the changes seem needless and less-than-helpful. Still, you can't ask for better Quatermain casting then Connery, so I'll keep an open mind.

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR GREG & GREG'S HARROWING "ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK..."

It's the entry Bishansky's been dreading for the last two weeks...

G2003 Journal (6/29)

SUNDAY, June 29, 2003:

Got up relatively late.

Made a couple more attempts to get into see the Othercon art, and still couldn't.

Went down into Penn Station to the Krispy Kreme store. Now, the thing is I've gotten Krispy Kreme's at a bunch of different places (Dodger Stadium, in particular). But I've never been to an actual Krispy Kreme store where I got their full line-up of donuts to choose from. I restrained myself and only bought and ate three. (And you wonder why I put on 11 pounds over a two week vacation.)

Speaking of sweet treats... PEANUT M&M'S. All weekend long, various different people walked up to me and kept handing me little bags of Peanut M&M's. I happen to really like Peanut M&M's so I was fine with the thing. But it started to get a little weird. Particularly when I left the judges table Saturday night with Vic and Thom to make our costuming picks, only to come back and find a huge pile of those little yellow bags on the table. (We gave them out as prizes for the costume/cosplay contest.) It's not like I minded, but I was pretty stumped as to who or what was behind it all. Eventually, Kathy Pogge revealed herself as the culprit. Seemed I had made one offhand comment at some point about how I was more of a peanut M&M guy than a regular M&M guy. And she ran with it. Hey, free food. I won't complain!

Anyway, after Krispy Kreme I headed up to Auction and Signing. Not many autographs to sign. I guess most people have my signature already. It was nice to see the materials for my Team Atlantis episode "THE LAST" (copies of my director's script, the Demona redesign, the audio-tape of the cast recording and the partial storyboard) all go for a whopping $740 to IRC GOLIATH.

But then it was time for Vic and I to take the elevator down for our last panel.

Speaking of elevators, it seemed odd at first that most of the elevators had t.v. sets playing CNN non-stop. Except that by the end of the weekend, if I got into one of the elevators that didn't, it really felt like something was missing. I'll never forget where I was when I learned that Katharine (note the spelling) Hepburn had died. In an elevator, watching CNN.

Anyway I finally got down to see the Othercon art. A bunch of people, Hudson in particular, watched me watch the art. Having an audience, while being an observer, was a little strange. I think they thought my head was supposed to explode or something. But I just thought it was pretty cool. I smiled and moved on. They all seemed very disappointed.

Next was the Team Atlantis panel. We showed the materials that Seth had just won in the auction and I played the tape of "THE LAST" which went over very well. I'm bummed that Disney never made the series and that episode, giving you guys another shot at seeing Demona on the screen. But I'm glad we at least got as far as recording the episode, so that I have a radio play to add to my opening ceremonies tapes every year. We also showed some clips from the new Atlantis DVD, featuring many garg voice actors, including Tom Wilson, Clancy Brown and Morgan Shepherd as a guy who thinks he's Odin.

Back upstairs for Closing Ceremonies, which is always bittersweet. I gave one last speech, trying to rouse the crowd to register for G2004. The new staff, by the way, is already in high gear. Montreal is going to be great. You don't want to miss it.

But I think my speech was just so-so. I remember the fire&brimstone thing I did in Florida to try and sell G2001 in L.A. I think I had the whole crowd on their feet that day. Sometimes you just can't recapture the magic.

But I'm amazed at how often you can. I think that's one of the many, many reasons why the Gathering is so fun for me every year. (Of course 72 hours of non-stop adulation might have something to do with it too.)

I said good-bye to some people. The auction restarted. No one had bid on my kids' painted ceramics. (Though they shared third place in the 3-D category.) So I tossed their pieces in with mine at the charity auction. I think Uriel picked them all up for about $40. I was grateful that someone wanted them. But this may not have been my most intelligent charitable contribution. It cost me $70 to make the things. Plus I had to give each kid $5 as their "profit". So next time, maybe I'll just hand the con $40 instead of trying to be so creative. They'll make more and I'll lose less. We also auctioned off a signed Atlantis poster, and scripts from "The Journey" and "The Reckoning". But I don't remember what they sold for.

Somewhere in here, I missed saying goodbye to Thom. So I said goodbye to Vic instead, even though he wasn't actually leaving NYC for another day.

Next up was our school field trip. There were 27 of us total, including myself, Kathy, Patrick, Kelly, Liz, Sean, Montreal Rob, Leo, BrooklynMagus, Mandi, Sarah, Erik, Dylan, Wingless, Seth, Ayami, Ethan, BiZZ and... and... well, more.

I was very concerned about someone getting lost, so I was constantly counting heads. A nightmare.

We stopped first at Ground Zero. I'd love to say I was blown away. But to be honest, I felt so distant from the place most of the time. I think it's too immense. And it looks too much (now) like a construction site. Plus so much is gone, I couldn't get my bearings. Couldn't picture what I remembered. It was so unreal, I guess. I think I was more effected by the effect it had on BrooklynMagus than the effect it had on me.

Back on the subway then, the 27 of headed for Coney Island. We arrived and split up, agreeing to meet back at 10pm to find out who wanted to stay and who wanted to go. I immediately knew I'd be wanting to go at 10pm. (I must really be getting old.) It just occured to me that I'd rather spend those hours hanging out and talking than spinning around on the kinds of rides I could go on at any county fair.

But Kathy and Patrick and Wingless and Seth and I tried to hit the things that really made Coney Island special, i.e. the original Nathans, the Cyclone and the AstroTower. Missed out on the Ferris Wheel, which I only realized after the fact was unique. We took a walk down the boardwalk and then met up with everyone. Miraculously, all 27 people showed up and all wanted to go. So we did.

Made our way back to the hotel. I did a final headcount and we scattered. A bunch of people joined me on my pancake hunt, but all I can say is "City that never sleeps, my foot!" Places were closed or closing right and left. We couldn't find a diner. We couldn't even find an ice cream parlor. Finally, we found an open ice cream place deep below Penn Station in the Labyrinth. Well, actually near the LIRR. After sheparding 27 people all night long, it seemed for a good long five minutes that we had lost Kathy somewhere underground. But she showed up with Popeye's chicken in hand. I was inclined to be cross until she offered to share. (I'm such a food whore.)

We all wanted to drop stuff off in our rooms and then hang out. So we agreed to meet in the Consuite in ten minutes. I was there, right outside the door, when Mandi came out. She needed a drug store and no one would go with her, so she and I went on a trek to a 24 hour pharmacy that made the Pancake hunt look like child's play. By the time I got back to the consuite, most of the people I had agreed to meet up with weren't there. Those present were quietly focused on some anime. Wasn't in the mood, so I headed off to bed. Not a big deal, but I do want everyone to know that I didn't blow you off on purpose.

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR GREG'S FURTHER ADVENTURES IN THE CITY THAT SEEMS TO SLEEP A LITTLE...