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ASSURED MUSINGS 2022-09 (Sep)

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Another rejected HERCULES premise...

HERCULES
"Versus the Volcano"
(premise)

THE SET UP
CASSANDRA's twin sister POLLYANDRA is in town for a visit. Polly also has the "sight," but she’s the complete opposite of her sister. Where Cassandra predicts gloom and doom, Pollyandra predicts sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. Her perky personality (she even thinks Icarus is cute) drives Cass up a wall, but everyone else seems to like Polly a lot. Worse yet, they believe her predictions and completely ignore Cassandra's. At the peak of her frustration, Cassandra's struck by a massive vision revealing that the local dormant volcano is about to blow. Everyone turns to Pollyandra. She pauses then cries out: "We’re all getting free food processors!!" The crowd cheers.

THE COMPLICATIONS
HEPHAISTOS, GOD OF THE FORGE, just doesn't get enough respect. So he decides to change his name to VULCAN and become the VOLCANO GOD. Unfortunately, he does this right after Cassandra's prediction. With everyone in full-out scoff mode, no one believes that a guy as creative and productive as Heph-- sorry, as Vulcan, would ever destroy a whole town. Well, Vulcan's gonna prove them wrong once and for all. He blows his stack. HERCULES and PEGASUS have to hustle to contain the boulders and lava that the volcano’s spewing. That leaves Cassandra, Icarus and Pollyandra to deal with Vulcan before his volcano destroys all of Greece.

IN THE END
Cassandra and Pollyandra have to work together to both reach Vulcan and calm him down. Each one learns a bit from the other. Vulcan sees the error of his ways, stops the eruption and helps Herc to contain the damage. In fact, Vulc -- I mean Hephaistos -- feels so guilty he gives everyone a free food processor. The crowd cheers!!

CASSANDRA ISSUE
Some people are glass half-empty types. Some are glass half-full types. It takes all kinds to keep the world spinning.


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Hercules Premise

Just as a change of pace, here's a [rejected] premise that I wrote for Disney's HERCULES animated series:

HERCULES
“Clean & Jerk”
(premise)

HERCULES is doing his strongman/hero-in-training thing. He’s showing off a bit for this new girl in town. A very pretty young lady named DELILAH. Delilah seems impressed, and Herc is fairly pleased with himself, until Delilah says, “That was great, Hercules. You’re almost as strong as SAMSON.” In fact, no matter what Hercules does, Delilah continues to damn him with faint praise in comparison to Samson.

Herc’s had all he can take, and we’re off on a road trip to JUDAICA to prove once and for all who’s stronger, Herc or Sam.

Samson, who’s just finished holding off the PHILISTINES with the jawbone of an ass (and there’s a running joke in there somewhere), is a good ol’ boy, happy to oblige in a contest of strength. But the boys are pretty equal, and no clear victor emerges. The contest culminates with a bit of arm wrestling: the combatants wind up holding hands all weekend, uh... that is they’re locked in conflict for three days and three nights. And still, no winner is declared.

Finally, Samson gets word that the Philistines are attacking again. He has to break off the contest to stop them. By this time, Herc is pretty worked up (thanks at least in part to Delilah). He wants to prove once and for all that he’s the top dog. He insists that Samson fight him, really fight him. Samson refuses. He’s a Judge. Not much of a Judge, he’ll admit, but at least he knows enough not to waste time fighting a buddy when there are real enemies to do battle against. He departs. Herc’s fuming, and Delilah gives him a tiny little “nudge.”

Samson prepares to do battle with the Philistines. The guy Sam’s most worried about is this new kid, a nasty punk GIANT named GOLIATH. But Goliath isn’t alone. He’s got a new partner. Hercules.

Herc and Samson fight, but eventually Herc realizes what a jerk he’s become. He switches sides and helps Samson defeat Goliath and the Philistines. In the end, it doesn’t matter who’s stronger, as long as they work together.

Oh, and Delilah, who turns out to be a Philistine herself, gets her comeuppance from Herc. Although as soon as Herc departs, she’s already working on getting back in Samson’s good graces. She particularly admires his gorgeous long hair.


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Anonymous writes...

If Icicle Jr. was technically still in love with Tuppence Terror (despite the fact that Miss Martian having posed as her), than why haven't asked her out yet? Is because he's worried that her twin brother, Tommy, will beat Icicle, Jr. up if he tries to date his twin sister?

Greg responds...

I think it's clear he HAS asked her out. Multiple times. Probably an inappropriate number of multiple times, knowing Junior. I don't think he's worried about Tommy. I don't think Tommy's worried about him. And Tup can handle herself.

I also don't think Junior really is "in love" with Tuppence. He just wants to be in love.

Response recorded on September 21, 2022

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Anonymous writes...

Mr. Weisman,

In “I Know Why the Caged Cat Sings,” Lois believed that if Clark had gotten to Mars five minutes sooner, then Clark likely would've died alongside Conner. Just between you and me, would that have actually happened in such a "what if?" scenario, and, if so, then why would that be the case even if Clark would've been at full power due to just arriving; whereas Conner was already becoming increasingly vulnerable due to spending time on Mars?

Greg responds...

I'm not big on hypotheticals. He clearly would have been at risk. Look what happened to Lor-Zod, after all. I mean, you've literally got thousands of microscopic bits of Kryptonite shrapnel, which you're neither immune to or invulnerable from, headed your way.

Response recorded on September 21, 2022

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Anonymous writes...

Questions in Regards to Earth-16's Martha Kent:

#1. Is her current full name Martha Clark-Kent; since Clark is her maiden name?

#2. Did she and her husband (Jonathan) tried to have a child of their own before Kal-El eventually came into their lives, and if so, how many times did they tried and what was the medical reason why Martha was ultimately unable to have a child?

#3. Since nothing is known at all about her own family in the comics, does she have any siblings (brothers or sisters or both) on Earth-16, or was Martha an only child in her family?

Greg responds...

1. No. Clark is her maiden name. But she did not hyphenate. Her name is Martha Kent now.

2a. No spoilers.

2b. How many times did they try? Is that a serious thought-out question? Are you seriously asking me how many times the Kents had unprotected sexual intercourse? Cuz I'm not answering that. Yeesh.

2c. No spoilers.

3. No spoilers.

Response recorded on September 21, 2022

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Anonymous writes...

In "Home Fires," did I hear correctly that Iris West-Allen called her son, Don Allen, by the nickname, "Donnie"?

Greg responds...

You did. Although, I can't remember if we spelled it Donnie or Donny in the script.

Response recorded on September 21, 2022

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Anonymous writes...

Mr. Weisman,

Are the full names of the known members of Earth-16's Flash family correct?

Jason Peter "Jay" Garrick

Bartholomew Henry "Barry" Allen

Iris Ann West-Allen

Robert Rudolph "Rudy" West

Wallace Rudolph "Wally" West

Bartholomew Henry "Bart" Allen

Greg responds...

Again, I'd have to do research to confirm any of these in full, particularly middle names, which I have not studied and/or don't remember.

But I lean toward Jay and Barry being their actual first names and not short for anything.

Wally, on the other hand, is indeed short for Wallace.

And I can confirm that Iris currently goes by the surname West-Allen. In fact, I can confirm all the surnames.

Response recorded on September 21, 2022

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Anonymous writes...

Questions in regards to Earth-16's Lois Lane:

#1. Is her current full name Lois Joanne Lane-Kent?

#2. Is her father General Samuel "Sam" Lane?

#3. Is her sister Lucile "Lucy" Lane?

#4. Does she have a younger paternal half-brother named Leonardo "Leo" Lane; like in the comics?

#5. Are she and her husband (Clark) currently taking sabbaticals from the Daily Planet in order to raise their son, Jonathan "Jonny" Samuel Kent?

Greg responds...

1. I don't know her middle name. I'd have to research that. She did not hyphenate her last name. She's still Lois Lane.

2. Her father is Samuel Lane.

3. No spoilers.

4. Never heard of him. But no spoilers.

5. Define "currently"?

Response recorded on September 20, 2022

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Anonymous writes...

On Earth-16, is Shazam's full name William Joseph "Billy" Batson?

Greg responds...

I don't know his middle name. I'd have to research that. His first and last name is William Batson. Billy is a nickname.

Response recorded on September 20, 2022

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Anonymous writes...

Questions In Regards to Earth-16's Nightwing:

1. Is his full name Richard John "Dick" Grayson?

2. Because his father and cousin shared the same first name (John), did he address his cousin by any nicknames, and if so, then what were they?

3. Does he have a older paternal half-sister named Melinda; just like in the comics?

4. How did he come up with the name Nightwing for his current superhero code name?

Greg responds...

1. Anonymous, based on your previous questions, where you put the nicknames in quotation marks and then treat them as if they are some kind of official part of a character's name (even to the point where you seemed to care whether or not the nickname came before or after the middle name), I'm hesitant to answer your question as you've written it, for fear of misinterpretation. I will say that "Dick" is short for Richard.

2. Dick addressed his cousin as Johnny. He addressed his father as Dad.

3. No spoilers. But I'll admit to being allergic to long-lost close relatives that we've never heard of before suddenly showing up. Still, no spoilers.

4. No spoilers.

Response recorded on September 20, 2022


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